Stillbirth why me

Chronic and pregnancy induced conditions of the mother, such as hypertension, diabetes, preeclampsia and pregnancy-related high blood pressure. Intrauterine Growth Restriction IUGR is a condition restricting blood flow to the developing fetus and undermining healthy development.

Causes of IUGR are placental problems, high blood pressure, infections in the mother, smoking and alcohol abuse. Lack of nutrition. Infections and certain viruses during pregnancy.

Most commonly, streptococcus B, E. Exposure to certain environmental toxins such as carbon monoxide and pesticides. A history of blood clotting disorders such as thrombosis, thrombophlebitis and pulmonary embolism.

Pregnancy with multiples, such as triplets or quadruplets. Mother under the age of 15 or over the age of Lifestyle changes such as stopping smoking, alcohol consumption and any other illicit behaviors are beneficial to you and your developing baby.

That would be so upsetting. The importance of keeping a memory of the deceased baby becomes clear to most mothers at a later stage in their journey, as suggested by Ruth. We were fortunate to have a local photographer from a local charity arrived at the hospital and took pictures for us.

It seemed awkward at first but we are both very thankful to have these photos as they are the only ones we will have of our darling angel daughter RUTH. Five out of six participants seemed to acknowledge the importance of being able to take the available opportunities taking photos, taking the baby home etc. This may be one reason why she did not name her baby, had no physical memories of her baby, and relived her experiences on her own secretly.

Collectively all participants shared their need to be recognised and acknowledged by significant others following their experience of loss. However, validation of their feelings from others did not appear to be available or else was limited. Only one of my friends said cry Defne. No matter what I will say will lessen your pain, but express your feelings to me- offered me a shoulder to cry on.

Every now and then someone either a family member, friend or someone handling the burial arrangements would make a hurtful comment such as "Don't worry, you'll have another baby. You didn't feel like anything was wrong? I want this one; b if I didn't feel fine, I would certainly have rushed to the doctor or hospital! Women appeared to be being isolated and alone in their experiences in this unknown new world.

I think it was tough, dealing with depression to be honest and my friends, the one or two I have in [Place 1], rarely showed up or text me, so they were little help sadly. The majority of mothers with their unmet needs of support appeared to be encouraged to keep their sorrow within as they felt lonely and isolated in their experiences. There appears to be a changed view of self and others and feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Women appeared to question their ability to create, with the arrival of the dead infant. However, until the arrival of the subsequent living infant, the concern that they may not be able to create or bring life was a strong possibility within the shattered unsafe canopy.

Therefore, it appeared to be hard for the women to believe that they could have a living baby after all. This may sound morbid, but I felt disbelief that I had actually given birth to a healthy child! This breathing baby was not a substitute or consolation prize.

I find this so untrue and offensive. Giving birth to Shauna safely and rearing her did not heal my grief over Chloe. What it did do was give me a pressing reason to get up every morning. One child does not replace another. Co-existence on the other hand appeared to allow mothers to define each child. Often I felt I had to act like I was always happy and grateful in front of everyone else for their own relief and happiness about expecting Jacob.

Mind you, I was thrilled to be expecting him, but that coincided with the fact that I was still grieving. The guilt didn't last long, because we came to see Jacob as a sign from Joseph that we should love another child as well. Life and loss coexisted once again. There was so much worry. I had dreamed before she was born, of us being so relaxed and enjoying her baby time. I think now that my expectations were too high.

But the worry for having Shauna did not turn out how I expected. I was surprised when one doctor commented that he couldn't understand why we worried so much about her. Furthermore, half of the participants appeared to be engaged in protective mothering activities, sometimes involving unrealistic expectations of self in order to protect the infant in an unsafe world. I really wanted to be able to breast feed him for at least 6 months. And this time, mementos are plentiful, unlike the first time.

Now that they know how precious keepsakes can be, collecting them may be a way for mothers to protect themselves — if this subsequent baby should die too, they will have more mementoes to keep and treasure, which would bring comfort as they grieve.

This can make the risk of another loss more bearable to contemplate. With Grace, if there was something that felt right for her, I bought it with the understanding that it is hers whether she ever used it or not.

The awareness of fragility of life and death itself appeared to bring a new authentic way of living. Life and death are not separate entities. Four out of six participants, articulated being able to find new ways of in engaging with life. Something beautiful that I experienced being pregnant after having a baby born still is that I treasured each moment that she was alive in me.

Most people go through pregnancy anticipating the next steps - birth and life. Never having gotten to those steps with my son, I was able to build a relationship with my daughter in a unique way in utero.

Mothers appeared to be anxious about being able to protect their children in their shattered new world. They then tried to restore the broken canopy at any cost including sacrificing themselves via unrealistic expectations of the self. Heightened anxiety appeared to be a new focus in their relationship with their infant.

However some women moved beyond their awareness of death and danger, and integrated the death and danger into their life, existence. Life and death together defined their existence. The view of an assumed - safe world changed and women appeared to feel isolated in their experiences. When women then turned to others for support they were urged to move on — get on with life.

This meant to mothers that their experiences were dismissed and rejected and this was deeply upsetting for women. Still, even as each mother turned toward her subsequent baby, she did not abandon her devotion to her deceased baby. For example, the arrival of a new baby could not be embraced by mothers as a completely new experience, as it was coloured by grief for the baby born still. At the same time she worries she is betraying her deceased infant. This contradictory duality is articulated in powerful, simultaneously experienced opposing emotions like joy and grief, fruition and guilt.

One participant, Ruth described losing her baby as tragedy. This suggested extreme sorrow, as a consequence of a tragic flaw, however there was a meaningful ending. When I am reminded of my daughter's tragedy I think to myself how lucky I am to have known her at all.

I used the knowledge of her situation and took that forward with me during my pregnancy with William… Life is so precious and too many people take the ability to create life for granted RUTH.

Other women articulated answers for their quest in searching for answers as to why this had happened, and their account did not have self-blame as shared by Sarah and discussed under the co-existence subtheme. It appears that when there were no meaningful answers to the question of why they were chosen to live without their children, most of the women Five out of six participants expressed anger in the form of self-blame towards self.

So, basically, we were left with absolutely no answers. I think that has been the hardest part in our process. Doctors tell us they don't like to have answers because it's less likely to recur.

We like that. But it doesn't help in our understanding of what happened to our little boy. Anger was also articulated by almost all participants, except Ruth, toward various significant others including family, friends, hospital staff, God and the baby. Everybody said if this happened later it would have been worse, what happened was better than what would have happened if this child born with disabilities.

This made sense but it did not make me feel better. I could have chucked a chair at his head. I pointed out to him, rather curtly, that I had buried two children and that I didn't plan on doing it again and if he'd been through what my husband and I had been through, he wouldn't be asking such a dumb-ass question ISABEL.

I could not touch him. When asked prior to his birth, I had told everyone I was going to hold him. But when he came out I felt differently. All I kept thinking was, "That's not him" I knew the real essence, the true being who had been my little boy, was not in that body.

My baby was gone. I said I had held him for eight months. I spent the first few days just completely numb, like a robot, coordinating and planning her funeral services. I felt the need to make sure she received the best she could, since there wasn't anything else I could do for her RUTH. Then they appeared to continue to question the self and others, while looking for the reasons why they had to go through such experiences. All participants expressed despair, while anger towards self and others was shared by most of the participants Five out of six participants.

A final theme emerged around the enduring relationship with the deceased child, which was articulated by all the participants. This was also observed in the co-existing relationship between deceased and living infants. Three subthemes emerged under this theme as follows:. The death of an infant before birth giving rise to hardly any memories seems to complicate the natural bereavement process.

It appears that this realisation becomes clearer only with the arrival of the new baby. There is the real child, and the one we have created in our minds.

Understanding this was a beautiful and helpful thing for my relationship with Oliver. It made part of him still exist for me.

Accepting this allowed me to continue to know him as my child. It was very complicated. I felt terribly guilty, as if we were already forgetting Joseph. I'm sure others judged the fact that we conceived right away, but our doctor recommended it and I was already Even when I discovered the positive pregnancy test, I remember calling Dylan and just feeling scared and nervous.

It was difficult to enjoy the pregnancy and all the joys of expecting--first kicks, ultrasound photos, etc.

It also appears that the majority of women at a later stage in their journey reflected on how they dealt with the process and regretted the missed opportunities afterwards, as articulated by Sharon. She presented me with a card with the footprints in and photos of her.

I was very grateful for her doing that, although I think back now and wish I'd have done it myself. Ok, keep the questions coming. I am glad to be purging all of this. One of the participants said that although their infant is not living anymore, the child is still part of their family, including the subsequent children.

I walk around thinking I should have two sons on either side of me. My husband says we are blessed with our son Jacob because we lost our first son Joseph, but I still feel that they are brothers who should be together right now, playing, getting into trouble, getting ready to start nursery school, etc.

Isabel reported explicitly how she connected with her infants via sensory experiences with her living infant. Coped with the guilt of devoting all my time and attention to Amelia by doing certain things. Probably sounds weird, but there are times when I can 'smell' them. All babies have a particular scent and so did Ella before she died. At the same time mothers expressed longing for the baby who died and the need to acknowledge their maternal bond.

Betrayal of the deceased infant was also expressed when the mother experienced joy. They reflected on their missed opportunities, such as spending more time with and holding this baby, and keeping memories alive so they can continue to feel connected with this child. The experience of stillbirth appears to influence the relationship with the subsequent infant and parenting.

Further discussion and interpretation points, for the three main principle themes follow:. Women collectively appeared to question their sense of mastery in the world, and the foundations upon which they build their lives following their stillbirth experiences.

This finding is in line with the emerging literature for parenting following perinatal loss [ 18 , 26 ]. This finding is similar to the findings of a recent qualitative self - growth study following stillbirth [ 29 ] and the findings of Cacciatore [ 30 ] and Lichtenthal and her colleagues [ 31 ] following the death of an infant.

From an existential point of view [ 24 ] women were faced with the possibility of their inability to be immortal by generating life and so had the urgency to try for other babies. Close Menu Home All blogs. Following the stillbirth of her baby, a woman in Lusaka, Zambia, unpacks the baby clothes and blankets she had prepared for her newborn. Her pregnancy was complicated by diabetes and HIV status.

Recognizing the problem The magnitude of this global public health issue is likely far greater than we know. Steps to a brighter future Progress is possible. Share this story:.

More stories: See all in Data and Research. Making research count: Lessons on turning evidence into action from the Transfer Project. COVID may pose greater risk to children than originally thought. You must have JavaScript enabled to post a comment. Share your comment on facebook!

Share on Facebook No thanks. Child Wellbeing. Research Communication Current issues for research communicators seeking to accelerate the transition of evidence into policy and impact for children.

Ethical research. Three years on, I still don't really talk about stillbirth very much. It's painful not just for me, but everyone around me. Another scenario: you are at a baby shower for a friend who is about to have her first baby. All the other women tell their childbirth stories, good and bad. I say nothing. No pregnant woman wants to contemplate what happened to my daughter happening to their child. So the silence continues. I edit my life story so as not to frighten others.

Deep down though, I know this silence about stillbirth - all these silences about stillbirth - are part of the reason that every day in the UK, 15 babies are stillborn and 15 families DO go through what I've been through. So as part of this awareness month , I am talking about stillbirth. The good and the bad. Firstly there's the kindness of others - and especially others with a silent grief. There are countless men and women out there who carry with them a burden of early pregnancy loss or the death of a child that people don't know about - or the inability to have a child in the first place.

Their quiet whispering of 'I know a bit of what you are going through' was gentle and human and warm. But the process of losing my daughter has also given me something like a superpower.

There's something very liberating about knowing that you have survived this horrible event. I don't worry about losing my job - I've lost my child.